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It’s January 2018; I’m not myself. My skin looks like I’m back in puberty, except now I also have eczema along with cystic acne. I’m not digesting the nourishing food I’m eating properly, which means I’m uncomfortably bloated after every meal I eat. I’m sleeping so poorly. A friend offers me her coveted appointment with Dr. Linda Lancaster (which is basically harder to get than a ticket to Hamilton during the opening month), and I take it.

At the time, Dr. Linda (as she’s fondly called) is taking patients for a handful of days in New York City each year. I walk up to her temporary office on the East side in the 50s, to be greeted by smiling eyes, her mane of healthy, thick gray hair and an authentic embrace. Love at first hug.

Energetic and blood testing reveals that my body has indeed been a happy home for parasites – specifically roundworm, hookworm and some sundry amoebas, so it’s time to do a Milk Cleanse. Dr. Linda says I need eight days of goat milk along with her specifically formulated herbs to get my tired, toxic gut biome back into some semblance of functionality.

Except that I definitely do NOT drink milk. I want to say an enthusiastic yes and be a good little student, but I’m now officially afraid. One, I am dairy-free. Two, I really dislike milk.

What is the Milk Cleanse?

The LabElymental Milk Cleanse is an Ayurvedic inspired, doctor-developed cleanse that combines the magnetic power of full-fat milk and our proprietary supplements to help clear, cleanse and balance our modern lifestyle.

Okay. Did I mention that I can’t stand the taste of milk?

And what does “magnetic” mean?

The Milk Cleanse is for you if you feel:

• Physically exhausted, sluggish and fatigued.
• Unclear, foggy, blocked, stuck, anxious and overwhelmed.
• Chronic inexplicable skin irritations.
• Bloated and that food is upsetting you more than making you feel nourished.
• Persistent lifestyle imbalances are negatively impacting your overall vitality.

And what if I feel all of these?

Soon I learn what “magnetic” actually means: the milk works to draw the parasites out of the folds of the colon to be eliminated by the herb formulations. Worms apparently like the milk. The image of them squirming around to get some in my digestive tract is freaking me out, but what scares me most is the prospect of seeing them (ewwwww), and the prospect of no snacking. Neither of which turn out to be a factor in my actual experience.

Dr. Linda assures me that she’s been doing it since the year of my birth (1970, you do the math) and that it’s extremely beneficial, even for milk haters. Prior to the cleanse, my diet consisted of quinoa, vegetables, some lean protein, and vegan dark chocolate. While I’m vain enough to avoid bagels, potato chips and french fries, every now and again I do eat whatever I wish. I get that the Milk Cleanse won’t be a far cry from a juice cleanse (of which I’d done many), but I begin to see that something about this is going to be different.

How does The Milk Cleanse work?

There are two phases. During Phase One, the Milk Cleanse consists of full-fat, organic, whole milk, water, and one cup of coffee (if you drink it, not required) in the morning. You’re allowed goat, cow, sheep, camel and bison milk, although goat milk is recommended (it’s as close to human milk as possible, but maybe you didn’t need to know that).

Every two hours, you’ll drink at least six ounces of your milk of choice (mine is organic goat milk) and take two of the Milk Cleanse’s herbal supplement capsules. Easy enough. Basically, you’re on a newborn baby’s feeding schedule.

Throughout the day, you repeat this process six times, but you’re encouraged to drink as much milk as you like throughout the day to keep yourself full. I set an alert on my phone, every two hours. And each time it sounds, I’m surprised at how not hungry I feel.

Phase One

Days one and two are when I realize that I LOVE cold goat’s milk. Adjusting to my new feeding schedule, I go through a half gallon to one gallon per day, because I work out daily and manage to stay pretty active. Most folks drink less. Did I mention I love it cold? Some folks love it warm.

Perhaps too much information, but by the end of day two I’m eliminating regularly, feeling more clear in my mind and more soft and generous emotionally. Once or twice during the eight days I feel like my body could eliminate more, so I take a couple of extra colon builder capsules which work like a charm.

Thankfully, The Milk Cleanse team sends daily motivational emails to assure us that all is well, moving along perfectly. You’ll appreciate these emails, reminding you of your progress, and to remember your therapeutic baths. Those baths might be my favourite part of the experience, clearing toxicity and even EMF exposure, calming the body and the mind in such a sweet way. Baths have become part of my regular rituals ever since that first Cleanse.

By day five, my eyes are whiter, my sleep is more sound and my mind feels increasingly more refined. Staying close to home felt important that first time; since then I’ve done the Cleanse three times a year. And I only had to forget my milk when I went to speak at a conference. Never again will I forget my jug if I have to leave home for any length of time while cleansing. Designate a bottle or two for your milk if you have to work out of your home or travel any distance; you’ll thank me.

By the end of Phase One, I lose about 8 pounds, rid myself of the bloating and fatigue, and am now convinced of the efficacy and importance of the Milk Cleanse. I’m a different human, my body, skin, digestion and mood are all significantly shifted and I’m psyched to be alive.

Phase Two

During Phase Two I used Dr. Linda’s book, Harmonic Healing, to reintroduce clean, nutritious meals into my body. This consisted of vegetables, consciously-sourced protein, legumes, and gluten-free grains. It is recommended to avoid processed foods, sugar, gluten, DAIRY, and fried foods. Not a far stretch for me, but I manage avoid chocolate for the ten days post Cleanse.

I noticed the cravings for all the things I’d loved weren’t nearly as intense, and my motivation to create (both artistically and professionally) was through the roof. What’s wild is that there are certain days when I wish I could just avoid food and drink milk for the day. That is downright bizarre. And this – I can’t WAIT til I do the Cleanse again.

Milk Cleanse tips

• Choose an 8-day window that suits your schedule; you don’t want to be launching or working super hard during your cleanse if possible. Being home (our current situation due to the pandemic) is ideal for this. Silver lining.
• Be sure to have a restroom and milk source near during your Cleanse.
• Tell your family and friends what you’re doing, see if they want to join you! The more the merrier…
• Read your incoming daily emails from The Milk Cleanse; they’re inspiring AND informative.
• Set your alert for every two hours so you don’t miss a dose of your herbs and milk.
• Enjoy fresh air! Walks, bike rides are great, but don’t stray too far from the restroom, and don’t over-exert yourself.
• If you’re a coffee drinker, add your milk to your morning cup!
• Take the recommended therapeutic baths. Alternate the types of baths, and know that each one is helping your body release toxins.
• Exercise: Yin Yoga, walking, biking (close to home), Yoga Nidra are all great.
• And don’t forget your bottle of milk if you’re out and about.
• I’m not a health professional, and of course, everyone’s experiences are different, but this has been a consistent source of wellness for myself and many of my dear friends for many years now.

CHECK OUT THE MILK CLEANSE