Episode 4: Collecting Difficult Moments in Relationship, with James Benard

0:00 – 2:00
Inspired by a teaching James gave regarding collecting “no’s” so you can get to one great “yes”
2:00
(Partners) by Yung Pueblo in Inward
3:00
Self-Therapy by Jay Earley
Finding your individuality so important
Exiles = parts of yourself, trapped in time, with certain unprocessed emotions, locked away
Protectors = there to “save” your current self from the pain your younger self would feel.
5:00
The protectors arguing – not really “us”
For a couple having a challenge right now: to explore and see that the person having the argument that the protectors of the unhealed children having the argument – not “you”

7:30
We’re in altercations that don’t really belong to us
7:45
James’ helpful example of how the protectors take over
8:30
Arguments are just misunderstandings
Importance of apology and forgiveness
9:15
Holding grudges is a dangerous scenario
Expressing need in a kind way is so importance
10:00
There are functions within us that protect us, set boundaries, need love – all of these need to be nurtured
10:45
James’ example of how he’s had to learn anger as an emotion
Practice feeling your anger and expressing it in healthy ways
11:50
Opposite of Elena, who’s learning, “How can i be more awake to what PART of me is angry in here?”
12:30
“I” v. “i” = the highest, present me, v. the little part of me
13:00
Look what part is talking for you in the moment of difficulty
13:30
Water tempering fire; the polarity
Roles shifting
E becoming more feminine, J becoming more masculine
Ending competition and passing the baton instead
15:00
Learn the unresolved parts and protectors that act as “you”
Nice to write on this after your meditation practice
16:00
We Do by Stan Tatkin
16:45
Stop putting your partner down; take care of each other.