Episode 4: Collecting Difficult Moments in Relationship, with James Benard

0:00 – 2:00
Inspired by a teaching James gave regarding collecting “no’s” so you can get to one great “yes”
(Partners) by Yung Pueblo in Inward
Self-Therapy by Jay Earley
Finding your individuality so important
Exiles = parts of yourself, trapped in time, with certain unprocessed emotions, locked away
Protectors = there to “save” your current self from the pain your younger self would feel.
The protectors arguing – not really “us”
For a couple having a challenge right now: to explore and see that the person having the argument that the protectors of the unhealed children having the argument – not “you”

We’re in altercations that don’t really belong to us
James’ helpful example of how the protectors take over
Arguments are just misunderstandings
Importance of apology and forgiveness
Holding grudges is a dangerous scenario
Expressing need in a kind way is so importance
There are functions within us that protect us, set boundaries, need love – all of these need to be nurtured
James’ example of how he’s had to learn anger as an emotion
Practice feeling your anger and expressing it in healthy ways
Opposite of Elena, who’s learning, “How can i be more awake to what PART of me is angry in here?”
“I” v. “i” = the highest, present me, v. the little part of me
Look what part is talking for you in the moment of difficulty
Water tempering fire; the polarity
Roles shifting
E becoming more feminine, J becoming more masculine
Ending competition and passing the baton instead
Learn the unresolved parts and protectors that act as “you”
Nice to write on this after your meditation practice
We Do by Stan Tatkin
Stop putting your partner down; take care of each other.

1 thought on “Episode 4: Collecting Difficult Moments in Relationship, with James Benard”

  1. Pingback: Who’s Really Fighting? - Elena Brower

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The Matter of Menopause Online Summit
This is default text for notification bar