Your strongest sensation of insecurity is the roadmap to your greatness.
This is about the most mundane, daily moments. This is about the moments where you feel the most insecure, the most rejected, the most deflated. Those are the moments when you get to stop, turn the ship around, look in a completely different direction, and just flat-out do something DIFFERENT. How do you know where to go, what to do, what to say, how to say it, when your deepest doubt has been triggered, again?
Doubt usually links to some judgment you’ve made. If you judge someone for being fake, or heavy, or skinny, ANYTHING, it’s likely that you are feeling judged for it too – and doubting yourself because of it.
- Check and see if your doubt is linked to feeling judged.
- Notice if you’re judging others for the things you’re doubting about yourself.
- Using that information as a map, observe the judgment, find the humour in it, in order to clear it out of your being.
Example: recently I was convinced I was the biggest hypocritical fraud. When I looked into that feeling, I saw that I felt judged by my colleagues for being shallow. Once I looked more deeply into that, I realized that it’s ME – I’m the one judging everyone else for being shallow, therefore I’m generating that sensation in myself. [It’s been a long time living in what my teacher Lauren Zander calls “Darktown” and I’m doing everything I can to move to the light, which is why I’m telling on myself here. I am done obeying my darkest, teenage, fearful inner conversation.]
And for a specific, clear example of my myriad judgments (we all have them, you’ll see yours if you look): I’ve spent a fair amount of energy judging people who sign off their emails with the word “blessings.” I found it ridiculous, fake, and patronizing. Once I realized I’d been having such an obnoxious inner discourse for too long around this, I turned to the exact opposite place. I tried doing exactly what I was judging, just to see – I began saying silent blessings on everything. I blessed myself, my kid, my kid’s lack of listening, my OWN lack of listening. Blessed his school, his Dad, my studio, our home. I blessed the folks who say “blessings” at the end of their emails. And I blessed my wasteful judgment of those blessings. Judgment gone. Now I can see my little dark tendencies to judge, and then doubt myself because of that energetic expenditure, but I also see with much more clarity my longing for authenticity, both mine and anyone else’s, that is the real source of this entire conversation.
Point is, use any passing doubt of yours as a map of your own judgments. Watch those judgments, claim those judgments, and clear them out (perhaps, in certain cases such as “blessings” story, by actually doing what you judge the most).